Last night I was contemplating in the bathtub about this year and how I want it to go, where I see myself, the goals I want to accomplish, my weightloss journey that I keep putting on hold, my paternity test that I have to go to and well … there is just a lot on my mind. Needless to say there can be some improvement in my life.
But like I said before my mind wandered off back into worry-land. I was contemplating in the tub about life. Yes, in the tub. Majority of the time I run off and hide from my two year old son to think about things. It is the only time I get to myself. After my long thought processing bath I decided to try something. Something I never thought about but always tried to hide. That very thing happens to be my body. Body shaming is real and although I would like to say I eat healthy meals 365 days a year, exercise daily, am confident and love myself just the way that I am. Sadly, that is not reality. I don’t always eat the healthiest meals, the only exercise I get daily is walking to and from work, I am not as confident in myself as I would like to be, and well … I hate my mom tummy and all the extra sizes I gained during and after pregnancy. I hate my psoriasis which likes to flare up when its cold or when I am stressed. I hate my anxiety and panic attacks which I don’t and refuse to take medication for because I hate pills. I working just to pay bills and having little to no fun in my life because I am a single mother and well… I just can’t afford to take myself out to all those fancy places or buy myself that fancy purse. I hate my stress-level, feeling trapped and all alone. And although I just said all of these things you may never even see it. I cover up my pain with a smile because I don’t want my son who doens’t understand that his mommy isn’t as strong as he may think. This is why I am starting this journey to Self-Love.
Inner beauty needs no makeup. It’s what’s on the inside that really counts
Today is going to be first day on this new journey to self-love. Now this isn’t about dissing myself and making myself feel anyless than anyone else but about finding out where and what exactly I need to work on. This is about learing new things about myself and successfully finding happiness along this treacherous road that will have bumps, potholes and many other things along the way and going over them, changing how I perceive that road and change it for the better.
Lots of love.